Childhood Trauma
- Victoria Slovak
- May 8
- 2 min read
There are moments in my adult life that don't make sense on the surface. Moments when everything is technically "fine," yet my chest tightens, my thoughts race, and I feel like I'm slipping out of my own body. It took me a long time to understand that these reactions didn't start here...they began years ago, in a version of me that didn't have the language or safety to process what was happening.
Childhood trauma doesn't always stay in childhood. It grows up with you. It hides the way you respond to stress, in the way you anticipate danger even in calm spaces, in the way control becomes something you cling to just to feel okay. When you've lived through experiences where you had no power, no voice, or no stability, your nervous system learns to stay on high alert. It doesn't just forget because time has passed.
For me, that shows up in panic attacks...especially in moments when I feel like I'm not in control of my own life. It can be something small: a sudden change in plans, a decision made without me, or even just feeling overwhelmed by responsibilities stacking up. My body reacts like it's back in a place where I didn't have a choice...where things were unpredictable and unsafe. My heart pounds, my breathing gets shallow, and it feels like I'm trapped inside something I can't escape.
The hardest part is explaining it to people who haven't lived it. From the outside, it can look like overreacting. But inside, it feels very real...like my body is sounding an alarm that I can't turn off. It's not about the present moment as much as it is about everything the present moment reminds me of.
Healing, I've learned , isn't about pretending those experiences didn't happen. It's about slowly teaching your mind and body that you're safe now, even when it doesn't feel that way. It's about recognizing patterns, naming them, and giving yourself compassion instead of shame. Some days that looks like grounding myself, focusing on breath, reminding myself where I am. Other days, it's just getting through the moment and knowing that it will pass.
Living with the effects of childhood trauma is exhausting at times, but it has also made me deeply aware...of myself, of others, of the visible battles people carry. It's made me more empathetic, more intentional, and more determined to create a life that feels safe, steady, and mine.
I may not have had control back then, but I am learning, piece by piece, what it means to have it now.
Working through my trauma, I've turned to writing poetry about my experiences. Each poem carries a fragment of my story...raw, honest, and deeply human. My hope is that my words remind you that even in pain...there is beauty, resilience and the possibility of healing.
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